Be an Advocate for Your Special Needs Child 

If you have a child with physical, emotional, behavioral, or academic disabilities, navigating your way through the school system can be a demanding job. You may continually ask yourself: will teachers be willing to help my child? Will they dislike her because of the extra attention she requires? Here are seven tips to help you advocate for the help you want for your special needs child:

1. Know your legal rights
The Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA) entitles your child to a free appropriate public education (including services from birth), but eligibility must first be determined by an evaluation. If you feel that your child’s special needs may qualify, ask for that evaluation. If you meet resistance (more certified special needs children mean more expense for the school district), insist. As a last resort, a private evaluation may provide adequate evidence that a formal school-based evaluation is needed.

It is important that you study your rights and understand what they mean. The school system is obligated to provide you with a copy of the legislation, but the language of the law is obtuse, and the school may or may not provide you with adequate interpretation. There are a number of good websites for this, such as kidstogether.org. The Special Education section of the New Jersey state education department website may also be helpful.

Pay particular attention to these rights:

• You have the right to call meetings to talk about your child’s progress.
• You must sign your approval to your child’s education plan, called an Individualized Education Program (IEP). Be sure you understand every element of the plan: services being planned, how often, whether your child should be pulled out of his regular classroom for special services, and what activities he will miss during that time. Perhaps most important: what other services are available that are not being offered to your child?
• You have the right to reverse your previous decisions. Even if you have given your consent to an IEP, you can recall that signature and request another meeting to discuss another plan, in whole or in part.
• You have the right to take an advocate to meetings, whether it’s a lawyer or just a friend. Especially if you are nervous, an advocate may make you feel more confident. She can speak for you, or just listen and take notes.

2. Be positive, but firm, with teachers and school personnel.
Parents who do not feel confident in their knowledge, or who feel intimidated by school personnel who hold their children’s future in their hands, may be reluctant to sound authoritative in their interactions with the school. Start off by clarifying details, saying something like: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. Can you tell me exactly how many hours per week Susan will be in language therapy?”

If you still do not get satisfactory answers, notch your responses up a bit: “Yes, I’m sure you have many children to serve, and that must really tax your resources. Nevertheless, Danny needs these services three times a week.”

Finally, if you feel that you are not being respected or listened to, it is appropriate to get more forceful (but smile, hold your head up, and speak clearly here) and say: “Perhaps I’m asking too much of this group at the school level. Is there someone in administration or at the school board I should talk to about this?”

3. Meet early in the year.
A teacher needs time to get to know your child, but it is important that you sit down with the teacher as early in the year as possible. In fact, if you are able to find out who your child’s teacher will be next year, try to speak with her in June. Ask what you can do at home, even over the summer, to reinforce what she will be doing.

4. Don’t “watch and wait” too long.
Resist the normal tendency of school personnel to “watch and wait” to find out if your child is really having trouble with memory or needs more time to complete work. A couple of months is a long time for a developing child.

5. Watch out for bullying and teasing.
Formal education is not the only (or sometimes even the most important) issue in your child’s school life. Social relationships are extremely important to self-esteem, mental health, and long-term happiness. Many children with disabilities endure teasing, belittlement, and bullying because of their special needs—and not just from other children. A teacher routinely teased the child of a close friend of mine, and of course the teacher’s attitude resulted in rejection by other students.

Your child may not tell you about teasing or bullying. In some cases he may not be aware that it is inappropriate. In other cases, and especially as he gets older, your child is embarrassed and further humiliated by revealing to you what is happening. Watch for signs, including changes in appetite, sleep habits, or attitudes about school. If you feel like something is going on, talk with the parents of other students in the class to see if they have noticed anything odd about the other children’s or the teacher’s treatment of your child.

6. Do not discuss your child’s problems in front of her, and ask school personnel to abide by the same rule.
No one likes to be defined by her deficiencies, and you want your child to have a positive attitude about school.

7. Go the extra mile for the teacher.
Your child’s teachers do have a lot of work to do and many children’s needs to consider. Acknowledge their work on behalf of your child with treats, greeting cards, volunteering, and in any other ways you can think of.

Terri Combs-Orme, PhD, is a mom and a professor of Social Work at the University of Tennessee.

March 2009